A New All-American Olympics; Plus, Oakland Edition

Now we have another “We’re #1!” type event: the Unemployment Olympics in NYC! Woohoo!(As seen at NYDN and elsewhere.)

Time for Oakland’s Crime & Pimpin’ Olympics! We could have:

  • Find a Mayor Up to Some Good, Or Possibly Working
  • Put out a porta potty fire
  • Be a human shot spotter in the Eastmont Mall parking lot
  • Speed portrait painting of prostitutes by San Pablo McDonald’s
  • Timed scavenger/treasure hunt at all 100+ 2008 murder sites
  • Duck and cover from the chrome wheels
  • Find a Tree Without Graffitti
  • Measure the black tinting in my windshield
  • Count shell casings on my block at night with the lights off
  • Turn these empty cartridges into necklaces for sale in RR or Uptown
  • Convince your neighbors we have a crime problem taboo/charades
  • Fill the water coolers in City Hall with every Koolaid flavor
  • Drive your neighborhood drug dealer caught in the act to Montana to be processed at the nearest county jail and fill out his paperwork before falling asleep
  • Find a “safe” beat in Oakland not too far uphill or filled with hipsters
  • Run away from the muggers three-legged race
  • Catch the garden hose thief

Now who will help me “bake the bread”? Ho ho ho–a low blow, you say?

This reminds me of an epiphany I had today. We had a housing atm bubble, zero down for 60 months auto bubble, and bankster bubble… to go with that we also had a jobs bubble… which leads me to conclude that our peak oil bubble also produced a human population bubble. Charming thoughts.

Job bubble photo below, from Mish’s Global Economic Banalisys.

For the record, I don’t consider vice to be in the same category as violent crime or property crime.

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